Well... sort of.
There are movies that I like and those that I dislike. In other words, there are movies warranting of a review, and those that don't need to be reviewed by me at all. So, we're going to look at those movies today. This is my Top 8 Movies That I Will NOT Review (Under Any Circumstance).
8. Hunger Games
If I were to make some comparisons between the movie and the book, I would, but not on this blog. The movie itself wasn't as great as the book. You know that saying "the book is better than the movie," well, that was my case. The book was better than the movie, hands down.
7. Ever After
This just another Cinderella story. But let me tell you, if you think that the Disney version was gloomy, then check this version out: it's a sadist among sadists. It has a manipulative stepmother, a pair of bitchy stepsisters, a prince that doesn't feel sympathetic to Danielle's situation until the end, and a Cinderella-character that doesn't do anything redeeming until the end. What a friggin' low. So, that movie isn't worth my time.
6. Aquamarine
I don't know if anyone remembers this movie anymore, but I'll just this: it's a movie that trying its damnest to look like The Little Mermaid, but wants to throw in all the teenage-girl-fancies and every single teenage girl cliches (having to do with crushes and boys) in the book. It's annoying. I especially hate the antagonist, because she is spoiled and a bitch. So, that movie isn't worth my time either.
5. Obsessed
Beyonce and Ali Carter are pretty good actors. However, this movie was just insane.
We have a blonde chick that's obsessed with another woman's husband, and it isn't longer before the wife suspects foul play (Well, actually, it does take long before then...).
I don't know; I can only say that almost no one in this movie had a brain to solve this home-wrecker problem. I mean, if I was Beyonce's wife, I would have people hunting down Ali Carter's character like an animal and then have her ass. Other than that, this movie isn't worth my time.
4. Firewall
For those of you that were lucky enough to pass this movie up, I'll give you a run-through. This is about a guy that works at a security [bank?] and is forced to hank the system, or else a team of bad guys would harm his family.
Not getting the vibe, or just don't want to? Same here.
I was forced to see this movie when it first came out, and I was pissed. I didn't like it at all. First of all, the characters are the worst: most of them are friggin' assholes and/or too stupid to know WTF is going on. Second, the plot is the worst: why couldn't the family escape sooner and the bad guys be taken down sooner? Finally, the premise is the worst: who wants to sit through a movie with a family being held against their will and a guy having to save his family from this crime?
Fuck it. This movie isn't shit. It's a waste of talent and a waste of time.
3. 16 Wishes
Behold! The staple of every girl's worst nightmare, when it comes to a 16th birthday!
This movie is nuts... not only nuts, but also disgusting. If you want to make a movie about a girl's 16th birthday, fine. If you want to glorify sweet sixteens, fine. BUT DO IT IN A REALISTIC WAY!!! This movie was so atrocious! I couldn't believe I sat through this piece of shit one time at a relative's house! I should've changed the channel! This was how low Disney Channel got!
It had way too many high school cliches, way too many disappointing payoffs, and... it's friggin' annoying. I blame myself for not changing the channel.
2. Prisoners
Why is this movie here to begin with? I mean, I could write a better thriller than this.
The plot in this movie is prolonging; the twists and turns are beyond insulting; and... (DO NOT READ ANY MORE OF THIS BLOG IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE MOVIE)
... there's a fuckin' old woman wielding a gun at poor Hugh Jackman (our beloved Wolverine hero), making him a prisoner as he searches for his daughter. God, I hate that hag. I hate her. She's given a bad name to elderly people everywhere, and that is unacceptable! Hags like her belong in hell. That's why I don't trust most hags. They're evil.
This movie should have never been made. That's all I gotta say. FUCK THIS MOVIE!
1. The Hobbit movies
I might as well leave these alone. Why? Because they're awesome.
I love the premise; I love the characters; and there's a bad-ass dragon in the mix. It's really cool. The CG animation is top-notch; the story is way better than the Lord of the Rings trilogy; and it's... IDK, AMAZING!
I love the Hobbit movies as much as the book; so what's the point of even doing a review on them?
So that was my Top 8 Movies I Will Not Review. Hoped you enjoyed it. Well... I'll admit I went over the top on some of these, but opinion is opinion. Everyone has them.
Whatsoever Critic
Sources:
Hunger Games
Ever After
Aquamarine
Obsessed
Firewall
16 Wishes
Prisoners
The Hobbit movies
Courtesy: Lionsgate, 20th Century Fox, Screen Gems, Warner Bros. Pictures, and Mar Vista Entertainment (Disney Channel)
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